Mercedes-Benz Says New GLT Won’t Be a “Fat Cowboy Truck”

Over the past year, automakers across the globe have dived head first into the pickup truck market. Why?? Well, with gas prices dipping and new unprecedented levels of efficiency, pickup trucks have been selling like hot cakes and everyone wants a piece of the action.

Of course, over here in America, trucks have long been the pride and joy of our country, a symbol of American power and ingenuity. We’re not just hopping on some bandwagon, some current trend. We live and breathe this shit!

Because of this passion, it’s also become a recent point of contention, as new automakers try to step in and challenge our history and authority.

Without a doubt, in the midst of this insurgence, there has been no company more disrespectful to the American tradition than Mercedes-Benz. What am I referring to?

Well, over the last couple of months, Mercedes has made major headlines with the debut of their hideous, but “high end” GLT mid-size pickup. Okay, no big deal. The American Big 3 can handle that pathetic little challenge.

The stakes, however, rose to an even high degree earlier this month when  Volker Mornhinweg– the man in charge of Mercedes’ pickup project– said, “We’re not going to develop a fat cowboy truck for North America.”

FAT COWBOY TRUCK???

He also went on to say, “Modern pickups are becoming increasingly car-like. We shall take account of this trend by offering a wide choice of drivetrains as well as three different equipment levels provisionally labelled workhorse, dual use and leisure and family. Marketing expects dual-use to be the undisputed best-seller with the base and premium packs splitting the remaining 50%.”

So, let’s get this straight. Mornhinweg not only insults us, but he also claims that the recent spike in worldwide popularity for trucks is not actually what people want. Really?? Then, why the hell are they buying them?? Instead, Mornhinweg thinks that people are actually looking for something more “car-like.”

I guess we shouldn’t be surprised by his ideas, though… I mean get a look at this guy. There’s no way his pussified ass could ever understand what a real pickup truck is all about.