A Completely Irrational Look At Ford’s Decision to Go Autonomous

Today, 4wheelonline is lamenting the loss of old America through satire, so don’t hold us accountable if you are offended; it’s a joke.

Today, Ford announced that they will be amping up their research and development on future mobility and autonomous driving solutions. They’ll be doing this through a series of two year research collaborations with universities in the UK and Germany.

And according to CEO Mark Fields, the reason to move in this direction is pretty simple…”We have to rethink how Ford can be relevant and appealing to millenials,” Fields said in today’s announcement.

Wait, what??? Did the most prestigious and historic American automaker really just tell us that they are selling out for Bieber-loving, can’t-wipe-our-own-ass-without-Daddy’s-credit-card millenials?? Holy shit, just kill me already, okay? I can’t take any more of this iPhone, Google Glass, social networking, Bruce Jenner obsessed generation!

And Ford…

Why are you doing this Ford?? Why did you sell out, too! GM, sure… We expect that from GM, but not you, too, Ford!!!

You were the one good thing left in America; you stood for the old values! You were there when men actually used to be men! Not these hybrid metrosexuals! You didn’t take the bailout! You plucked us off the farm and dropped us on the assembly line. You invented that; you did that; you made America what it was!

Now, look at you. You’re pathetic like the rest of them. You’re sick, and you’re catering to these winy ass kids. Shit, man. I don’t even know what to say.